I heard something recently on a podcast that's really lingering. It came from Abby Wambach (2x Soccer Olympic Gold Medalist) on the podcast We Can Do Hard Things. The conversation was between Abby, special guest Cheryl Strayed and podcast co-hosts Glennon Doyle Melton and Amanda Doyle. They were exploring why we sometimes dread things that we're ultimately glad we did in the end. Abby said something that brought real clarity to me around why I’m drawn to certain things, and why they matter to me in ways I hadn’t fully understood before.
Abby said she no longer asks, “What makes me happy?”
Instead, she asks: “What makes me feel alive?”
And she breaks this feeling of 'aliveness' into three parts which also really resonated with me:
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Things that make you feel alive before you do them
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Things that make you feel alive during
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And things that make you feel alive after
Wow. That's it.
Because happiness is… fine.
But it can be fleeting. Often circumstantial.
It comes and goes. It bends to the moment.
But it’s not the same as feeling alive.
Feeling alive? That's something we actually have agency over.
And it made me realize there are absolutely things that make me feel alive. And I knew instantly what they are. I just hadn’t named them like that before.
Here are a few of mine:
🔨 Creating or building something. As a 'creative' at heart, when I'm creating something for work - or at home, the thought of it, the act of it and the moment it comes to life all light me up.
✈️ Planning a trip makes me feel alive before and during. The anticipation alone jolts me out of a rut.
💪 Working out makes me feel alive after. Never before. Rarely during. But once it’s done, I feel stronger, more capable, like I could take on the world.
🏄♀️ Surfing, when I first learned how 20 years ago, it made me feel alive during. It was dangerous. That was definitely part of it. This is also why I love rollercoasters -although the danger and adrenaline rush is a bit safer and more contained.
❤️ Acts of service, in big ways and small, helping people in need makes me feel alive before, during, and after.
Interestingly, I've also noticed that there are certain people that make me feel alive when I'm with them. Something about their energy, their presence - it pulls me into the moment and reminds me of who I am. They're the people that give me unspoken permission to be my truest self.
Whether it’s being out in an unpredictable ocean, planning my next adventure or helping someone who needs it, it’s about what both elevates and anchors me. And it’s not always comfortable, but it’s always real. And that realness for me, is aliveness.
Here’s what I’m waking up to:
The older I get, the easier it is to stay home. To scroll. To settle.
To trade aliveness for convenience.
But what I know to be true is my soul doesn’t crave convenience.
It craves aliveness.
So here’s the question I’m asking myself, and the one you might ask too:
👉 What makes you feel alive? I mean really alive?
Before. During. After.
Figure it out. Write it down.
And then commit.
Decide you’re going to say yes to those things.
Even if it means doing them alone.
Because what fills you with life might be the last thing someone else would choose.
Do it anyway.
Not once a year. Not “someday.”
Build it into your days, your weeks, your years.
Because you weren’t made to survive your life.
You were made to live it.
Me too.
